Toxic relationships   

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2009 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

Analogous to the way chemical substances are used to numb and/or suppress the pain/dissatisfaction we feel within our being, many think a relationship can alleviate the pain we feel within our being. In this belief we look to relationships and to others to heal the separation within our being. In this regard, relationship addictions can be just as damaging as any chemical addiction and even more so. There are toxic people who don’t allow us to live true to who and what we are and we don’t realize it until we have become too involved in some way with them. These toxic people can be a mother, father, sibling, spouse, boss, employee or any other associate in our life. Although relationship can alleviate our pain as any addictive substance can, there is a flip side to the relationship addiction that can move the addiction into a truly damaging situation. When an individual stays in a relationship where we are unable to be true to our heart or express themselves in the relationship it will become toxic and slowly drain our being.

When a person denies themselves to be with, or to remain with, another person that denial is capable of causing illness and diseases. Here again, the addictive habit of denial is a learned response but how it manifests in illness and disease is genetically and physiologically determined. In much the same way a chain breaks at its weakest link, our denial pattern will cause our biology to break down at its weakest link. There are illness that exist or arise as a result of sick primary relationships. This is where the individual is unable to express themselves and deny themselves so much that we create a void within our being such that illness results to fill the space. The major problem here is that even if a particular illness is cured, unless the relationship changes where there is the freedom to express one’s self some other illness or some other problem will take its place. Relationships can be, and are, deadly. The lack of love in the form of not allowing another to become who and what we are without imposing anything from the outside, or the betrayal of it, when one is being intimate lies at the root of many of the things that make us fragment and scatter our energy. Such fragmentation and scattering do not allow us to create what we desire and often makes us unable to finance health. That is, we are unable to put enough of our life into maintaining a healthy condition. Love, supporting another to become true to who we are in intimacy within the deepest levels of our being can help us heal, brings happiness and makes us well where as the opposite can readily make us sick..

As we practice living the truth of our being we will come to see for ourselves that relationships will often make us sick and it may be as simply and not being able to decline unwanted commitments. The individual does not see a more "acceptable" way of saying no. The issue however, is not what we do that causes the illness or accident but the denial of our own truth. Then in accident or illness, we have no choice but to decline commitment because our body says no for us and we are forced to withdrawal from the decision we made. It is much healthier to assert ourselves. We need to ask ourselves and be brutally frank in our answers to the best of our ability, "What do I gain from being ill?" and "What am I forced to address when I am ill?" The answers we get tell us how we have been denying ourselves and our truth

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